By 
Sometimes lately my 5 year old “angel” drags her feet when I ask her to get dressed and go downstairs for school. She complains and throws an “age-appropriate” tantrum at her. Under these circumstances, she ignores my plea that “the governor of the state of Nebraska requires children to be at school on time, so move now!” During these gloomy moods, unless he helps her dress her, takes her hand and leads her to the breakfast table, my little sweetie’s butt won’t budge.
Oh, the stress it sometimes causes me in the morning. It’s no fun looking at the clock while I’m getting it ready, as time goes by fast. Oh, my blood pressure goes up. Backpack, snack, folder, hat. I don’t enjoy the rush, the rush, the rush of it all!
So I tried every conceivable approach to get my daughter to listen and not throw a tantrum. I’ve found that old-fashioned bribery (Webster’s definition #2: something used to induce or influence) and what I call “semi-severe following” work well with my kindergartener. She listens much better.
But first, try to determine the cause of the tantrum. Tantrums can be triggered by a number of things, and the cause of the tantrum should help determine your response. If the tantrum is caused by hunger or sleep, feed the child or let him nap. If frustration or fear triggers a tantrum, you need to comfort your child. If the child feels ignored, spend quality time with him, playing or reading, etc. However, if your child misbehaves because he can’t get away with it…
This is what you can do. If you have time constraints and your child does not come to you as instructed, go find him, dress him yourself, and then tell him that since he is behaving like a baby, you will treat him like a baby. She won’t like this! Hold her hand as she leads her to the breakfast table, seat her in the chair as she reminds you that not hearing from her earned you a 5 minute timeout, which serves as a tool for bribery. She will make a wine grimace and a grimace and she will beg for a pass. Do you remember university psychology? I played with and applied Ivan Pavlov’s Theory of Association (Classical Conditioning) to motherhood. Don’t listen = a timeout. Yes, when the doorbell rings my daughter salivates, so to speak.
If she drinks and demands something from you, tell her an outfit from her closet, tell her you’ll help her after she does something first, like put her dirty clothes in the hamper. Look and see. She will listen.
If he has a tantrum and time doesn’t matter, remind him that you expect more from a ____(insert age) child and that you won’t tolerate tantrums. Leave the room and return only after the crying stops. Then tell her to use her “big girl voice.” That winning and crying are not effective ways to communicate with me or anyone else. Then calmly and patiently give him a real sentence example of how to vocalize his thoughts, feelings, wants and needs.
Discuss the behavior with your child once the tantrum is over. While it’s no use trying to reason with a child in the middle of a tantrum, both of you can learn a lot by discussing the incident afterward. Explain that the behavior is unacceptable, but also make sure your child understands that she loves him no matter what. Give them a hug. Try to find out the cause of the tantrum if he hasn’t already, and use the opportunity to discuss better alternatives with your child.
N’oubliez pas. Tell your child that you expect an apology for her behavior. Post-tantrum, when she says “sorry”. Ask him what he regrets. This question will help you understand that tantrums are not acceptable. she will learn
If you have to run out the door with a child who screams with tantrums and hides under the table when called, pick him up firmly and carry him to the car, while reminding him that he’s disappointed. Kiss her goodbye before school and tell her you love her. Then, at the end of the day, even if she’s in a good mood, remind her that her attitude toward her is inappropriate. Tell her that for the rest of the day, she can make a personal decision to have a positive attitude. Ask her what her choice is. Children like options. She will learn to listen.
Does your child not listen to you over and over again? Remember that the tantrum phase will pass and your job is to guide and love your child through it. Try to follow my examples as above. They work.
Writer’s Note: While there are many schools of thought on the subject, I firmly believe that spanking a child as punishment for not listening or throwing a tantrum is unhealthy for the parent and child and teaches:
-that you are out of control
-that hitting is acceptable behavior
-that feelings should be repressed and not expressed (a young child is expressing his feelings in the only way he can)
-Children learn by the example of parents. If they are not spanked by them, the boy will be less likely to hit when he is angry with her peers.