shooting the messenger

When I mess up, I have a way that I have found effective to help me get through it and learn from it.

I write about it.

This is one of those times when idiots get it wrong.

Patty and I stayed at a hotel where we paid about $300 a night. The room was clean and the location was good, but the service and amenities were definitely lacking, certainly not something we’d expect from a $300/night room. The night before we left, we put together a series of issues and I sent it to the hotel’s customer service site, requesting a reduction in our room rate. The next morning, I spoke to the hotel’s sales manager about some of our problems. She was nice and empathetic and he said she would talk to the general manager. A couple of hours later, while driving, we received a call from the director of sales informing us that the hotel would not make any adjustments.

This is where the idiotic part comes in.

I told him, I didn’t yell, that the sales manager was making a mistake and that we were going to post our issues with a low rating on the travel website we booked with. After a couple more words, I hung up. Patty was silent, which meant I was in the kennel. I told him, “Hilton would have served us better.” That’s when he told me (rightly so) that I had been rude to the sales manager, that she was just the messenger and that I should never have spoken to her that way. The next 30 minutes in the car were pretty quiet; He knew he was right and he just needed a little time to reflect. We stopped at a Subway for lunch and as we split a turkey sandwich I told him he was right and I shouldn’t have done what I did. After we got to our next hotel, I emailed her an apology to which she kindly replied. Even with the apology, I’m pretty sure I won’t get a Christmas card from her.

I would like to say that my main motivation for writing this article was to give you something to chew on; actually it’s more of a reminder to me and if you get a side benefit then all the better. Even after reflecting on my actions, I still believe that I was disappointed with our hotel stay. However, looking back on my actions, there are four things I did wrong:

1. I shot the messenger: the director of sales was not the one who made the decisions; he was just delivering a message from his boss. I forgot to acknowledge that she was only conveying a message and that she was not the one making the decisions.
2. I spoke to him in a tone he didn’t deserve – I wasn’t calm and measured in my behavior; He was angry and he wanted her to know it. She could have made my point just as effectively without turning me into a Tasmanian devil.
3. I let my ego get in the way of doing the right thing. When the sales director didn’t give me what I thought she deserved, I took it personally and reacted as if her actions were personal. Actually, she was just doing her job.
4. I hurt a relationship with a potential client – some would say I’ll probably never see her again, so who cares? In my profession, anyone who wants to learn more about leadership, project management or disability inclusion is a potential client. Any help I might have given him is probably a missed opportunity.

My point not only to you as readers, but as a reminder to myself is this: be firm in your convictions but do so with respect. You don’t have to be a wet noodle and give in to others; just don’t be a horse hind during the process.