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So what exactly does a united front mean? We hear it often from parenting experts on TV, the Internet, and magazines, but do parents really get it in practice? Everyone has a different style of parenting, and a united front means uniting their parenting so kids can’t play the game of divide and conquer (which they are extremely good at). Research has indicated that there are four basic parenting styles that range from meeting only a child’s basic needs for food, shelter, and education to those that expect complete obedience without explanation or conversation. Of course, each family has a unique combination of these four basic parenting styles.
Experts agree that no matter what parenting style each parent has, finding a way to combine them that is consistent will produce the most capable and successful children. Disagreements with parents are one of the main causes of marital problems. So for the sake of your relationship with your spouse and to help your children become happy and successful adults, you must learn to be shared parents. Our parenting styles come mainly from our own upbringing, some of us repeat how our parents raised us, others modify our parents’ style a bit. When you share parenting, the idea is to combine both parenting styles and come to a compromise.
Before deciding exactly how you will combine your parenting styles to raise your children, it is important to understand the basic parenting styles and the effect each has on children.
1. Authoritarian parents – This parenting style is one in which the rules are established and if broken children are punished. There is no explanation why the rules exist. These parents have high demands and expect their orders to be obeyed. It is believed to have been the primary parenting style in the 1950s, said to have created the rebellious baby boomers of the 1960s and ’70s. Children don’t make their own decisions.
2. Authorized parents – These parents also set rules that they expect their children to follow, but the rules are explained. Parents forgive more than they punish and children can make their own decisions. Parents are also open to chatting with their children. These parents often take advantage of teachable moments and open and honest communication with their children.
3. Permissive parents – These parents have very few, if any, demands or expectations of their children. Children make their own decisions and parents behave more like friends than parents. Children tend to be sexually active much earlier and are at high risk for drug and alcohol addiction. Minor criminal records are also common among children raised by parents with this parenting style.
Four. Uninvolved parents – These parents have very little participation in the lives of their children. Children are likely to run away frequently, have a tendency to be violent, and are unable to lead happy and productive lives.
In 1992, psychologist and author EE Maccoby concluded that licensed parenting styles tended to result in children who were happy, capable and successful. Combining parenting styles in a way that falls somewhere in the authorized parenting zone makes children better adjusted, happy, and successful.
It is practically impossible to always be united and agree one hundred percent when it comes to parenting. Keeping the rules and consequences basically the same is what you should aim for in co-parenting. Parents should sit down together and decide what rules there will be and the consequences for breaking those rules. Remember that it is not about winning. Setting a parenting plan is about your relationship with each other and raising smart, well-adjusted children capable of supporting themselves and living a happy life. Commitment is essential. For example, one of the parents thinks that the children should be in bed at 8 pm. and the other believes that the children will be fine and go to bed at 10 o’clock at night. Negotiating a bedtime around 9pm is a compromised quality. Yes after staying up until 9pm. children seem too tired during the day, talk about it again.
There are some things that you will disagree with and to avoid problems with children by acknowledging this and taking advantage of it, here are some rules that you should always follow.
· If you have a disagreement, discuss it privately. Children should not listen to their parents arguing about whether it can be avoided.
Remember that you are both interested in what is best for the child or children. It’s not about winning; it’s about being a team.
· Don’t talk negatively about the other parent in front of the children. This only hurts children when they hear a parent spoken of in this way.
· Don’t try to be the “favorite” parent by deviating from your co-parenting plan.
Whether you are married to your child’s other parent or not, these guidelines will help you have healthy and successful children.