parenting It can be the most difficult job in the world, and yet it can also be the most rewarding. Would you like there to be a set of rules to follow, at least guidelines? We want to do the best for our children, we want them to have and be everything they can. Making decisions when it comes to parenting and discipline can be very difficult. How do we want to discipline our children and which is the best?
The way we raise is often a direct result of how we were raised. When I was young and strong headed I swore I would never raise my children like this! And yet, as I get older, I often find myself saying or doing something in exactly the same way that my parents said or did to me. I catch myself doing it and a smile comes to my face. Do you catch yourself doing this too?
When it comes to parenting and discipline, there are a few different approaches/techniques that we can look into.
authoritarian parenting – This is when we rule with an iron fist. It’s about controlling our children. Some of the harsher (violent) techniques used in this approach are spanking, hitting, yelling, blaming, using blame, humiliating, criticizing, etc. Children learn to listen out of fear of what will happen when they don’t.
punishments and rewards – Although this is a less violent method, it still relies on fear, to achieve the desired result. Children are either punished with the removal of privileges, time-outs, withdrawal of love and guilt; or for rewards that may include money, extra privileges, new toys, and the like.
Studies have shown that both of these methods are quite harmful to children because it hurts them emotionally, ruins their self-esteem and confidence, while removing any sense of power or control over their own life and actions.
permissive parenting – This is at the other end of the scale. Parents do not feel in control and will be parents trying to cajole the child, bribing, pleading and bargaining with the child. In this approach to parenting, it is the parents who feel disoriented and have lost their own sense of personal power.
This method can also be harmful to the child. Often in this situation, the needs of the child are not met. Believe it or not, all children need rules and routines in order to function at their best.
Democratic parenting – As the name suggests, this is more of a win for parents and children. This parenting approach is where there is a level of mutual trust and respect. Children are included in the process. This method comes from a place of love. The rules and routines are still in place, but the children are not being controlled with scare tactics. Discipline is used as it should be, to train the child. It allows the child to grow and gain self-esteem, confidence and power while respecting what the parents ask of him.
This method reduces conflict and stress for both parents and children because it is based on connection.
If the democratic parenting approach is not how you were raised, you may find it hard to grasp the idea at first, but after a while of implementing this method, you will see that there is much less stress and you will notice a huge improvement. in the whole process. You will enjoy raising your child and you will both be happy about it.
For more information on parenting and discipline, please visit my website and sign up for my mini-course entitled “Raising Happy Children.”