By 
I recently had an interesting conversation with a friend. He had seen pictures on social media that looked as if his ex had remarried. While they hadn’t seen each other in a while, she was disappointed that he hadn’t contacted her to tell her the news about her in person instead of her finding out about her this way. Although they had parted ways for some time, their friendship of 25 years had gotten along amicably, and they still met occasionally to catch up. Surely some consideration and good manners could have been exercised.
It led us to discuss how much we should tell our ex.
– Does our ex really need to know if we are emigrating, remarrying, being parents? Surely they are an ex for a reason. We may have loved each other once, but those days are over, regardless of who made the decision to break up. However, depending on the nature of our relationship or if we still meet from time to time, are friendly enough, have mutual contacts, there may be an argument to be respectful and make an effort to let them know if our situation changes. We probably know if they would be interested in hearing our news or not. A little reflection and mutual respect can help ease the transition into this new phase.
– On the one hand, we could say that once a relationship ends, it ends. We owe each other nothing and there is rarely any going back once something hasn’t worked out the first time. Yes, we can continue to behave with humor and goodwill. Certainly if children or mutual interests, such as business ventures or family friends, different rules apply, but for some people an ending means it’s time for a clean break, especially if a significant new relationship seems to be looming in the offing. The horizon.
– It can be unnerving for a new partner to have an ex seemingly lurking behind the scenes. There may be suspicions about the nature of the old relationship; Could one of them have an ulterior motive, perhaps they are waiting for some new relationship to fail, hoping to pick up where they left off, or are they keeping a reserve in the wings just in case? Posting a new relationship status on social media can provide some peace of mind, as it informs all stakeholders in a public way and allows the news to leak to stakeholders, thus avoiding the need for a meeting, discussion, or confrontation. .
– The time has changed. At some point we may have been relatively unaware of our ex’s situation, only finding things out by accident, perhaps after a significant amount of time. Now that social networks are so widely used, we receive regular updates and are aware of many details of each other’s lives. We have some responsibility to consider who is likely to see our posts and to ensure that we treat those people with respect and consideration. Good manners may mean we do the “decent” thing and talk to the affected people in person before posting, especially if we think their feelings still deserve some consideration.
– As we get older, we must accept that most adults over a certain age have a past, a history that includes previous partners. Those experiences have helped make them the person they are today. But as we move on in life and look to pass on our happy new state, remember to consider our ex’s situation. We may not know if they are in a good place or if they are lonely, unloved, struggling financially, career wise. Finding sensitive and appropriate ways to disclose the right amount of information in a considerate way can be difficult to navigate. It is important to try to do the ‘right’ thing and treat others as we would like to be treated.
Good manners, thoughtfulness and kindness are always qualities to be appreciated. Taking a little time to reveal your new situation or good fortune to your ex, and doing it ‘right’ is a generous gesture and a measure of your own compassion in the midst of your new found happiness.