By 
I often have two different groups of people ask me this question. Sometimes people whose spouses are having an affair want to know why and how the affairs end so they can try to end them sooner. Other times, I hear from the people involved in the matter. They don’t want it to end, so they look for common pitfalls in the hope that they can be avoided. Most of the time, one party hopes the matter is over (and is looking for a way to help this process happen faster) while the other hopes it never ends. In the following article, I’ll tell you about some of the most common reasons why I see adventures ending.
The issue will often fizzle out as the “newness” and excitement wear off: There is no doubt that, for many, part of the appeal of the subject is the fact that it is taboo and prohibited. There may be a thrill that comes with a new and secret relationship. But as the early days give way to the old, this sense of newness quickly wears off and makes way for the familiar. And when this happens, a lot of that emotion goes with it. When this happens, the affair/relationship will often die a natural death or fizzle out. Because often it’s not real or genuine feelings and emotions that keep these two together. It’s a fading façade.
Sometimes the guilt becomes so overwhelming that one party decides to end the affair: It is also not common for a person to end the affair out of guilt. There is a stereotype that people who are having affairs are callous and no longer care about their spouse. This is not always the case. Many feel guilty and some even end the affair because of those same guilty feelings. Although the person on the other side of the issue often hopes or thinks that the person she is cheating with has distanced herself from her family or is no longer as interested as before, this sometimes turns out not to be the case.
Sometimes the faithful spouse finds out about the affair and a decision must be made: It’s not uncommon for the faithful spouse to find out about the affair (and sometimes the cheating spouse admits it himself). When this happens, the faithful spouse will often issue an ultimatum and demand that a decision be made. And it’s not uncommon for the cheating spouse to end the affair in response to that ultimatum because he decides his spouse is more important to him than the other person.
An affair can end because one or both of the people involved realize that the relationship is no longer working or was based on misconceptions: It is also not uncommon for one or both people in the relationship to take stock of it and decide that it is no longer working or that it is simply not what they thought or expected it to be. Often, at first, they can build the other person up to be something he or she is not. After all, if you’re going to risk your marriage and family to participate in infidelity, that other person must be terribly special. But, after a while, it becomes easier to see them for what they really are or not. And when this happens, you may realize that the other person (or the relationship) is simply not worth the risk or personal costs.
When reality sets in, the rose-colored glasses can be removed: At the beginning of an affair, both people are often on their best behavior and work very hard to make each encounter exciting and memorable. Usually at least one person is heavily invested in the relationship. But this can only last or stay for so long. Eventually, she might see or have to pick up her dirty socks. Her lack of character might start to annoy him and the list goes on and on. The point is, eventually, the relationship behind the affair becomes just like any other relationship, warts and all. And it can become quite obvious that if the affair is going to have all the usual problems of a marriage or other long-term relationship, what’s the point?
The end of an adventure can come very abruptly or very gradually: Sometimes when people think of the end of an affair, they envision a very dramatic breakup. Some people have told me that they sat on the phone while their spouse called the other person and instantly called off the affair. I’ve heard of nasty face-to-face confrontations and threats to never have contact again. But an adventure doesn’t always end with a bang. It may also end with a gradual whimper in which a person silently interrupts you or the interactions or meetings become less and less frequent until they are finally over altogether.
No matter how and why affairs end, most do eventually. Statistics show that very few relationships that begin as an affair end in marriage, let alone a marriage that actually lasts. There is an exception to every rule, of course. But for the most part, an affair doesn’t have much of a chance to work out or end well. This is why it may be advisable to never start one in the first place.