By 
In speaking to various groups of parents, I am continually struck by the desperate need for information about parents, especially parents of children with special needs. Perhaps the most important understanding for both mothers and mothers is that each has very different emotional responses and parenting styles. Neither is better than the other, although this has the potential to generate conflict. Consider the following points regarding parent involvement:
o Children who feel close to their parents are significantly more likely to enter college and are significantly less likely to have a child as a teenager, be incarcerated, and show various signs of depression.
o Young males are significantly more likely to engage in criminal activity when they are raised without a father (and are even more likely to do so if they live in a neighborhood with a high concentration of fatherless families).
o Parent involvement is considered an important factor in the development of empathy (the ability to understand how others feel).
o Children of involved parents are more likely to receive adequate medical care and less likely to be injured.
o Parent involvement is equally important to boys ‘and girls’ behavioral outcomes.
It can be helpful for both mothers and fathers to examine their own family of origin and identify patterns that may be affecting the current family. How did you perceive the role of mother and father before you got married? How have these perceptions changed over time?
If there is a conflict over participation expectations, the most important step is to discuss these expectations in a healthy way. Susan Blumberg, Ph.D. has written several excellent books on couple communication, including Fighting for your marriage.
It is also extremely important for the father to see the strengths of his children, especially if the child with a special need is the firstborn and the boy. Share stories, photos, and school work. Help your husband see humor in frustrating situations. It may also be helpful for your husband to share stories with other parents. A great website related to parents of children with special needs is The Fathers Network.