By 
Murphy’s Law states that “if things can go wrong, they will go wrong.” In the case of public speaking, there are always things that can go wrong. It would be safe to say that Murphy’s Law always applies in some way. Sometimes the presentation goes so well that little things that didn’t happen the way they should are ignored. They weren’t even worth considering as they developed. At other times, the “house collapses.” An example of the first: the number of assigned seats is slightly less than that of the people who attend. You could tell that something went wrong. But it was so easily remedied that it was hardly worth mentioning. You pull out some more chairs. On the other hand, if the entire building had to be evacuated because the fire alarm went off, then it’s worth mentioning.
Things fall
I was at a conference at the weekend where the ‘sound man’ flipped the back of a screen to alter something. He lowered a curtain, knocking over the end of a rod that knocked over a banner stand, the end of which struck an audience member on the head. Memorable? Yes. Especially the person who received a blow to the head. But even here the show goes on with virtually no interruption.
In this essay on things that go wrong, I would like to present my own experience. I am doing this so that you, dear reader, are aware of some of those more common occurrences of Murphy’s Law. Of course, a large tome could be written on the subject, but I will limit it to a few areas: venues, conference dates, and a small variety of miscellaneous events that have occurred during the thirty years that I have been speaking. My experience is wide. It would be fair to say that out of the 850 or so submissions I did, I would have featured these at least two hundred different venues. These have ranged from small church halls to large conference centers.
Ensuring the correct geographic location
Let’s deal with Speaking Dates first, because this morning alone I showed up at a Probus Club that I have already visited thirteen times, only to find that the place no longer exists. The bowling club where they used to meet had closed. Obviously it is waiting to be demolished, probably to build housing units. My reservation was firm; done ten months before. Because I had been in this group so many times, I assumed it would all be routine. I had not received any calls to tell me that the headquarters of this Probus club had changed.
On another occasion, I showed up at a certain bowling club and they said, “No, he’s not here. He’s probably in …” And, sure enough, it was. The person who booked me had given me a wrong place name. Fortunately, the place where the meeting was taking place was only a ten minute drive away, so I was not late.
Names can be misleading
On at least two occasions, because mine wasn’t specific enough, I showed up at venues only to find them closed (wrong date recorded by me) or the group I should be talking about was waiting for me elsewhere. Jump to a conclusion because one waiting Group name to match the name of the suburb or place is a common mistake. For example, you would expect Winston Hills Club to meet in Winston Hills, not Baulkham Hills. Hopefully Parramatta Club will meet in Parramatta, not Northmead. What I’m saying is that confusion can and does happen even when one is being careful.
Murphy’s Law is serious if one misses a presentation due to confusion like this. Of those 850 presentations that I did, I forgot to appear three times. That is really embarrassing. I didn’t look at the calendar on my kitchen wall that morning or the night before. My car was broken down once. And I’ve had a couple of other cases where I haven’t been able to do it. Let’s say half a dozen faults 850 times. “That’s not so bad,” you might say. That’s less than one percent …
It is bad. People who book you are not having fun. They might say they’re lenient, but it could be a couple of years before they risk hiring you again. Reliability is very important if you want a good reputation as a presenter.
Trouble being seen and heard
These can range from terrible acoustics and no mic to room setup, even the shape of the room.
Most common problem: microphones
Roving microphone ‘abandon the ghost’. It will not work; discharged internal battery. The show organizer never thought of having spare batteries or a spare microphone on hand. If you have a large audience, don’t be tempted to “raise your voice and project” for that forty-minute speech. You will regret. Let the organizer solve the problem.
I remember one day I came to a place and found about eighty men waiting for me to speak. There was no microphone and there was a very loud children’s Christmas party in an adjoining room. The organizer was quite upset when I told him that I was not prepared to talk about that noise. Get me a mic and I’ll carry on.
“We don’t have one.”
I went and sat down. Twenty-five minutes later, a microphone finally appeared. Apparently someone had driven home to get one. Oh, and it turned out fine. By the time I started, the children’s party was over and most of them had gone home.
This refusal was not a matter of being petulant or picky. If you screw up your vocal cords by screaming to be heard, when you have to see the throat specialist for those nodules in the larynx you have developed, no performance organizer will pay the costs or help you get better. Be wise. Be brave enough to say no.
In another essay, I describe how the microphone they gave me carried my voice not just to my audience, but to every corner of a huge sports club complex. They listened to me in restaurants, the cafeteria, the lobby, the other meeting rooms, the pool, the gym, and even the bathrooms. The central audio control hadn’t been arranged so that that particular mic only came through the speakers of the room I was speaking in. Probably the largest audience I’ve ever addressed … although only for about three minutes.
Smoke alarms
In another essay, I describe how the place I was speaking at was nearly evacuated three times because the fire alarm went off. People were standing. Each time it was found to be a false alarm. Eventually, the cause was found: a woman who snuck into a nearby small room to smoke a cigarette. Cigarette smoke triggered the alarm throughout the building.
Horrible rooms
Many times the room is too big for the audience. They give you a room that can easily hold 800 people and your audience is thirty. Oh, and they’ve arranged 150 chairs. The opposite: too small a space for attendees also occurs. But this is much less frequent. The ideal: room full, all seats taken, not half as much as most speakers would like.
But often it is the room itself that is not suitable for a speaker. Too much glass. Very light. Too much sun Multi-level platform floor in a room. Ceiling too high for good acoustics. Speak under a dome where your own voice echoes back to you. The worst I experienced was an L-shaped room. Just dinkum! L shaped. Half the audience sitting around the corner out of sight. To do?
Obvious answer: speak from the corner where you can look both ways in the room. Problem: That’s where the glass wall and the glass door are. You will have your back to the entrance.
Seat too far
This is very common. A lectern is placed on a podium away from the front row of the audience. Don’t be tempted to speak from there. Move down to be close to the audience. Condition? If the audience numbers in the hundreds, it’s okay to be twenty-five feet in front of them and elevated on a stage. If the audience is only forty or fifty, get down to their level and stand perhaps ten or twelve feet in front of the front row. Your intuition will tell you how far you need to be to develop the contact you want.
So these are some of the many cases where Murphy’s Law prevails when it comes to public speaking. Write them down. Some you can reduce the impact through proper preparation and diligence; others are out of your control all together. May your oral experiences be mostly good. By that I mean that Murphy sympathizes with his desire to give the best presentation he is capable of.