Can you tell me how often you have seen the word SUCCESS highlighted this month? I bet you will answer: “A lot!” Are there other words, on the opposite side of the coin, that we are reluctant to utter for fear of a self-fulfilling prophecy? Let’s not be shy about this, I think there are words that we want to use as little as possible or not use them at all, and only some of them are expletives! But I also believe that disappointment is part of our lives, of our personal and professional development. An essential part of success is how we deal with disappointment.

I came to North America to join a company with 3 years of work. Eight months later, the regional economy collapsed and I was fired. A few months later, a family member who was too young and too close to me was diagnosed with cancer. Many around us seemed to know our plight, how I don’t know, since we kept it private. When asked how we were doing, there was only one response: “Great! Thanks, and how are you?” Martin and Nesta were considered wonderful due to their courageous response to this difficult situation. Time passed. After questioning this reaction as essentially dishonest, I began to share what life was really like. “Pretty horrible”, “Yes, it is difficult” became the norm. And I learned two lessons. First of all, most people don’t really want to know about our problems. They have enough of their own. Second, by dwelling on one’s bad luck story. it is a waste of energy that leads to increasing discouragement. Have you ever been able to lift your spirits by focusing on the negative?

Is it important to have someone in life with whom to share the truth about a disappointment? Of course, but be careful to choose wisely. In particular, I suggest you look for these two features. First of all discretion. Second, choose someone who has the courage not to let you wallow in your disappointment. Recognize it? Safe! Learn from it? Definitely! Is the right person a spouse or life partner? Probably not; that person already has too much anxiety of their own. In the same way, you may need your own confidante (e). Of course, here is another potential danger. I would suggest that it is prudent to ensure that this relationship with your confidante (e) is not secret!

As coaches, we sometimes invite clients who have had a major disappointment to vent as much as they want for two minutes without interruption. However, that’s the limit, after that, we look for solutions. Is whining inspiring? Not at all! Are the solutions motivational? Bet! For many people today, a responsible partner is the only person in their lives who is totally for them, who is not afraid to shoot them in the arm, ask the tough questions, the challenging questions.

If you’re wallowing in big disappointment right now, what could be some pull strategies?

These are some of the strategies that work for me:

a) Working on my brain is really important. There’s a little voice there that doesn’t always support me in the way I’d like to and I have to make sure to silence it on those occasions. That inner saboteur will tell me anything that might make me feel less good about myself. It has been very helpful for me to reply to you and order you to stop. It has been very helpful for me to focus on my successes.

b) I use objective statements in the present tense and after listening to Michael Losier, Allowing Statements as well. These attest to the successes already achieved by the speaker and coaching stars. I know what I want and I know that others have already done it. I can do it too! I read them twice a day at the beginning of each morning and each afternoon. I read them aloud and with emotion !!

c) Nutrition is so important. What are you eating and providing

d) Physical exercise is one of my keys. Get those endorphins going. A run, a bath, a brisk walk, a vigorous bike ride, a game of squash, a workout at the gym, skiing, or an aerobics class followed by a hot shower is a surefire recipe for feeling better. Do I have to remind you of the need to get your doctor’s opinion if exercise has not been a part of your life?

e) There is another key too and this is magical: laughter! What makes you laugh out loud? What makes those tears of joy run down your cheeks? My sense of humor is somewhat cheeky – some might say distorted (in the best way possible!) Or quirky – I love double audiences and that’s why the sadly deceased politically incorrect Benny Hill is one of my favorites. Who or what makes you laugh and has your material conveniently at hand?

So, in closing, I want to suggest that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with disappointment. The pitfalls lie in how we deal with it. Do any of today’s ideas resonate with you or do you have your own infallible recipes? My challenge today is for you to come up with your own contingency plan to move from disappointment to the path of renewal that leads more directly to success, and the next time disappointment hits, use it!

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